Step 1: Attract Jeff’s attention in some way.

How to get eaten by Jeff

Step 2: You will know Step 1 was successful when you observe Jeff has moved into a crouching position.

How to get eaten by Jeff

Step 3: Shortly following Step 2, there will be a rapid flurry of activity. You might feel some pain at this point; this is normal.

How to get eaten by Jeff

Step 4: Congratulations, you have now been eaten by Jeff.

How to get eaten by Jeff


  1. Neil

    Duly Noted. Now we need the steps to survive a Jeff attack, if doing so is even possible…

  2. Murrie

    I would say it’s not possible, Neil. 😀

  3. jane

    Court the attention of Mighty Jeff and you get his paws, claws and jaws free!

    Jeff is good value, always.

  4. Diana

    I guess Jeff is really retired now; there are no blood and guts to document!

  5. eric

    Starting a support group for Jeff attack victims would be a waste of time then. He’s far too efficent at his work.

  6. Patrick

    El Jefe is worthy of being immortalized in a Mortal Kombat-style game. Complete with fatality move, of course.

  7. Micah

    New Series: Surviving Jeff: Cameras could follow small creatures as they dart around Jeff’s fiefdom, then lo! and behold, the orange paw of Doom snatches creature from life into a rather ragged death. To build on a suggestion yesterday-entrails could be read by pagan holy person, and the fortunes of all involved told.

    Any survivors would merit a safe retirement in a rubber room.

  8. Brandon

    Claws of fury for sure

  9. Adam



  10. Estorbo

    Go por eed, Jeffe! I hope eed was deeleecious. Over ad my blarg I caughd a Cicada. Yom. Green.



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